Good job, I'm also working on this piece, although I probably don't have the courage to post a recording.
Perhaps you're too close to the fret wire on the run down or not applying enough pressure on the barre. My teacher keeps telling me that getting a solid barre is more important than the single notes.
I see that you're left-handed so I can't compare your playing to my playing.
Was it hard to find a teacher who could flip everything around when teaching or are you teaching yourself?