Can men and women be friends?

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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rojarosguitar
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by rojarosguitar » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:31 pm

:lol: Either if they are not in love or beyond a certain age... yes
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Tim522
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by Tim522 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:37 pm

chiral3 wrote:
Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:20 pm
Depends on who you ask. Try asking Harvey Weinstein.
Hahahahahaha!

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zupfgeiger
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by zupfgeiger » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:43 pm

My wife would never allow me to fly to Mykonos allone for six months and having drinks with unknown females.
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MessyTendon
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by MessyTendon » Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:40 pm

After a few drinks it can go from platonic to erotic really quick :)

Rasputin
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by Rasputin » Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:40 pm

edcat7 wrote:
Tue Oct 10, 2017 10:19 pm
Can men and women be friends, especially if one is married?

Having spent the last six months working in Mykonos I was surrounded by beautiful girls. Since I am married I avoided all contact with the waitresses but at the same time I was intensely lonely. Was I right to decline the offer of just " a drink after work"?
I travel a lot and routinely see execs cheating on their wives as though it was the most unremarkable thing in the world... so while I think you are making a bit of a meal of this, I take my hat off to you for being so conscientious - clearly you're one of the good'uns!

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sxedio
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by sxedio » Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:15 pm

edcat7 wrote:
Tue Oct 10, 2017 10:19 pm
Can men and women be friends, especially if one is married?

Having spent the last six months working in Mykonos I was surrounded by beautiful girls.
I think men and women can be friends in the real world. Mykonos nightlife in the summer possibly isn't the real world :)
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dory
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by dory » Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:59 am

I would say absolutely, and I am not young. I have been married for more than 30 years and have never had an affair-- nor has my husband, as far as I know. Several of his close friends have been women, occasionally considerably younger and thus more attractive than me. I did not care, because he never gave me reason to be jealous. In fact the friend I have been most jealous of is a (divorced and lonely) male friend who wanted to take all his time for a while. I have also had a number of close male friends, and have never seriously considered doing anything "improper" with them. It all depends on the attitude with which you go into the relationship. I would have and have had drinks with male friends. However, I have never "had drinks" in the context of a potential date. I think the boundaries are something within you, and I have never crossed those boundaries. because I wouldn't like it if my husband did. I think men who are afraid to have a meal, a coffee, etc with a woman alone are silly. In those situations you just have to be a bit more careful not to give off the wrong signal. I do admit I am more likely to touch or hug gay male friends than straight ones because there is no chance of being misinterpreted. That is all.
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dory
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by dory » Fri Oct 13, 2017 4:28 am

I would say, though that if you are heterosexual and make friends across genders it is a good idea to make your intentions clear. Obviously you don't want to be crude about it, but if the person does not already know, you want to make it clear that you are in a monogamous relationship.
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muirtan
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by muirtan » Fri Oct 13, 2017 9:07 am

dory wrote:
Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:59 am
I would say absolutely, and I am not young. I have been married for more than 30 years and have never had an affair-- nor has my husband, as far as I know. Several of his close friends have been women, occasionally considerably younger and thus more attractive than me. I did not care, because he never gave me reason to be jealous. In fact the friend I have been most jealous of is a (divorced and lonely) male friend who wanted to take all his time for a while. I have also had a number of close male friends, and have never seriously considered doing anything "improper" with them. It all depends on the attitude with which you go into the relationship. I would have and have had drinks with male friends. However, I have never "had drinks" in the context of a potential date. I think the boundaries are something within you, and I have never crossed those boundaries. because I wouldn't like it if my husband did. I think men who are afraid to have a meal, a coffee, etc with a woman alone are silly. In those situations you just have to be a bit more careful not to give off the wrong signal. I do admit I am more likely to touch or hug gay male friends than straight ones because there is no chance of being misinterpreted. That is all.
Thanks for that Dory I so agree and it's saved me a lot of typing.

What I find a little disturbing though is how some seem to come across as if men and women shouldn't be friends if married to someone else. I've been married 43 years have both male and female friends and a couple of lesbian friends. We meet in pubs, coffee bars and heaven forbid sometimes just 2 of us alone in a room if we're playing duets. If hubby thought he could censor who and where I met my friends it would show a lack of trust and respect. When we were both working he worked in an office with a lot of women on the staff whereas I worked in a science department which was predominantely male.

edcat7
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by edcat7 » Fri Oct 13, 2017 9:53 am

We chefs were struck by the loneliness of Mykonos and I'm sure the women must have felt the same too. I wanted to concentrate solely on my work and I feared that even one drink would lead to another occassion and another and a holiday romance would surely develop. There's a common saying in Mykonos: What goes on in Mykonos stays in Mykonos. I couldn't take the risk.

In the real world: I had lots of female friends at school and university but have lost contact with all of them.
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muirtan
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by muirtan » Fri Oct 13, 2017 10:49 am

edcat7 wrote:
Fri Oct 13, 2017 9:53 am
We chefs were struck by the loneliness of Mykonos and I'm sure the women must have felt the same too. I wanted to concentrate solely on my work and I feared that even one drink would lead to another occassion and another and a holiday romance would surely develop. There's a common saying in Mykonos: What goes on in Mykonos stays in Mykonos. I couldn't take the risk.

In the real world: I had lots of female friends at school and university but have lost contact with all of them.
That is so sad. My best friend, outside of my hubby, is male and has been a pillar of strength when chronic illness has hit the family. Just having someone to listen to my rants about how unfair it all was was so helpful in allowing me to move on.

Rognvald
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by Rognvald » Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:57 pm

In the last 6 million years of human evolution, cheating is an effective survival strategy. Ethics and morality are not genetically encoded but must be taught by parents or society. Draw your own conclusions. Playing again . . . Rognvald
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra

Rasputin
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by Rasputin » Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:52 pm

Rognvald wrote:
Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:57 pm
In the last 6 million years of human evolution, cheating is an effective survival strategy.
I agree with this bit.
Ethics and morality are not genetically encoded but must be taught by parents or society. Draw your own conclusions. Playing again . . . Rognvald
I'm less sure about this. Plenty have people have argued that ethics and morality are genetically encoded, e.g. Matt Ridley in The Origins of Virtue. Even going way back, one of the main themes of The Selfish Gene was that selfish genes build unselfish bodies. Dan Dennett has also argued that there is a survival or reproductive advantage in being perceived as good and trustworthy, and that your best chance of being perceived that way is to actually be that way.

Sometimes I think I'm a mug for taking the whole fidelity thing seriously, but I can't help it. On the other hand I feel quite free to break rules that I have been taught.

kervoas
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by kervoas » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:03 pm

Since someone decided that guitars are female, I have a lady friend.
Hope it's ok - my wife does know about it but not how deep the relationship goes.
As for the rest I think it belongs somewhere like Facebook, not here.
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tosunpasa
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Re: Can men and women be friends?

Post by tosunpasa » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:34 pm

Of course there are lots of cultural considerations for this matter and also the particular psychology of a given marriage, but I think one can try being friends without the sexual tension to the opposite gender. However, being a man and a woman, a biological being, humans will never defeat this implied tension, because of our instincts. It doesn't matter if you are ultra-progressive, ultra-feminist or anything, when you encounter an opposite gender, the relation and its potential is a sexual one. I would even go on and claim that most of our glances are sexual. Because these two sexes are magnet of each other in a sense. This has been rather abstract, but I think that no relation ever is asexual. You can only suppress/overlook this aspect of relations I've described. To achieve a healthy relationship with opposite gender while you are married, you should divert your instincts, and try to think of them as family (maybe). Anyway, you should talk to your wife rather than us.
p.s: that offer is never "just a drink after work".

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