Gruesome but hilarious!Tubbers wrote:Q: What's grey?
A: A melted penguin.
Another gruesome one...Vesuvio wrote:Gruesome but hilarious!Tubbers wrote:Q: What's grey?
A: A melted penguin.
VA visiting music lover wanders into a back alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "But I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.
By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the music lover, "I was wondering if you have a bronze electric guitar player."
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion.
GeoffA friend of mine was in downtown D.C. last week and he double-parked his car to run out really quick (to mail a letter) and then jump back in. Well, he had a brand new accordion sitting on his back seat, and of course he left his car doors unlocked. Well you know what he found when he got back to his car don't you? That's right; there were 4 more accordions in the back.
johnnyboy wrote:Aghast, the priest ran down the stairs to where the young man fell. When he finally got there a small crowd began to gather. The priest asked the people there if anyone knew the young man to which one person replied, “I don’t know, father, but his face rings a bell.”
All the best, VA man walks into a pet store to buy a parrot.
The assistant shows him two beautiful birds. "This one's £5,000 and the other is £10,000," says the assistant.
"Wow! What does the £5,000 one do?" asks the customer
"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote," the assistant replies.
"And the other?" says the customer.
"That one can sing Wagner's entire Ring Cycle. There's another one in the back room for £30,000."
"What does that one do?"
"Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."
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