joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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andi33x
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Location: Munich, Germany

Re: joke of the day

Post by andi33x » Sat Aug 20, 2016 6:38 pm

How is a boomerang called which never comes back?
.
.
.













A stick
There is nothing more beautiful than the sound of a guitar - maybe aside from that of two guitars (Frederic Chopin)

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Guitar-ded
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Location: BC Canada

Re: joke of the day

Post by Guitar-ded » Sat Aug 20, 2016 9:48 pm

BugDog wrote:I don't know if this is an actual sign or not, I just thought it was funny.

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland :

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT
2. FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
3. FORM A LOOSE GRIP
4. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Getting better bit by bit, day by day.

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BugDog
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Location: Northern KY USA

Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:58 pm

RCMP Frozen Carburetor Incident ...

Sometimes humour comes in a coarse way - but it’s still funny.

People complain about the RCMP, (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) but you rarely hear about the positive things that they do, such as this one:

On a bitterly cold winter's day in Northern British Columbia, an RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside.

"What's the matter?" asked the Policeman.

"Carburetor’s frozen," was the terse reply.

"**** on it. That'll thaw it out."

"I can't." said the biker.

"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The constable promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter Joanne....."
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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bear
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Need a Laugh ?

Post by bear » Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:44 pm

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth.
I did.
Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken..
She sent me back to the principal's office.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand.
My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now....
2013 Jeff Medlin '37 Hauser 640mm sp
2006 Michele Della Guistina Concert 10 string 650mm ce
2005 Jose Ramirez 4E 650mm ce
2005 Manuel Rodriguez Model C3F 650mm sp
2003 Manuel Rodriguez Model D 650mm ce

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Les Montanjees
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Location: Kangaroo Island

Re: joke of the day

Post by Les Montanjees » Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:00 am

You have to know your Keats for this one, and being the intelligent, educated, erudite mob that you are I'm sure you'll have no trouble with this one.

Q: A tourist walks into a department store in Athens, sees a nice vase that she likes and puts a deposit on it of 20 drachma. There's 100 drachma left to pay. What's that called?
A: Owed on a Grecian Urn.

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dng
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Location: Orange County, Ca.

Re: joke of the day

Post by dng » Sun Oct 02, 2016 7:52 pm

people ask me this question...

"...hmmm...why you don't like the trumpet...?

I don't answer this question because it involves politic... and bad odor (pet in French)...

:D
"Nothing is more beautiful than a guitar, save perhaps two.”
-Frederic Chopin

Sandaun
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Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 6:45 am
Location: Tauranga, New Zealand

Re: joke of the day

Post by Sandaun » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:07 am

"WHANGAREI CORAL Society invites past members, friends and music lovers to an evening of varied coral music ..."
The Northern Advocate, 2/8/90
"I have supposed that he who buys a Method means to learn it." - Ferdinand Sor, Method for Guitar

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Les Montanjees
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Location: Kangaroo Island

Re: joke of the day

Post by Les Montanjees » Wed Oct 12, 2016 6:35 am

Sandaun wrote:"WHANGAREI CORAL Society invites past members, friends and music lovers to an evening of varied coral music ..."
The Northern Advocate, 2/8/90
Do they sing polyponic music?

Pat Dodson
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Location: United Kingdom

Re: joke of the day

Post by Pat Dodson » Wed Oct 12, 2016 7:51 am

Les Montanjees wrote:
Sandaun wrote:"WHANGAREI CORAL Society invites past members, friends and music lovers to an evening of varied coral music ..."
The Northern Advocate, 2/8/90
Do they sing polyponic music?
Oh that works so well! :bravo: :)

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Stephen Kenyon
Teacher
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Location: Dorchester, Dorset, England

Re: joke of the day

Post by Stephen Kenyon » Wed Oct 12, 2016 9:00 am

On the radio last night (so it must be true) ...

The 20th anniversary of Dolly the Sheep (1st mammal cloned from adult tissue) the scientist that ran the project was being interviewed.

The cell used for the cloning was taken from the mammary tissue from a 6 year old ewe. The lamb was named Dolly in honour of the 'spectacular mammary tissue' of Dolly Parton.

Who's agent, when asked about this said;

"There's no such thing as Baa-d publicity"
:mouton:
Simon Ambridge Series 40 (2005)
Trevor Semple Series 88 (1992)
Louis Panormo (1838)
Alexander Batov Baroque Guitar (2013)

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:21 pm

Revenge plumber


Friday night, the phone rings just as a plumber out with his girlfriend at the restaurant.

- Good evening Mr. plumber, here Dr. Dupont, your doctor.

- Hello doctor, what can I do for you?

- Listen, my toilet is blocked, I can not repair them. Come to me now!

- But doctor, it's Friday night, I booked a table at the restaurant, I go with my fiancee.

- Listen! When you are sick and you call me, you do not ask if I'm out with my wife to the theater.
I come when you need me!

- Of course doctor, I'll be home in 10 minutes.

10 minutes pass and the plumber comes in black suit three parts.

It goes directly to the toilet, throw two white tablets in the toilet and watching the frothing said:
- Well, I put two bullets, I will still leaves 6, put in an every 6 hours ..
Observe your toilet during the weekend, and if it does not improve, you call me Monday.

:bye:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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twang
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Re: joke of the day

Post by twang » Wed Oct 19, 2016 1:46 pm

The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log so he wrote :

The first mate was drunk today.

He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it couldn't be deleted. The first mate decided to get even.

The next time it when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote:

The captain was sober today.
"An amateur is he who takes up the study of an instrument as a relaxation from his serious occupations." -- Sor

Sandaun
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Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 6:45 am
Location: Tauranga, New Zealand

Re: joke of the day

Post by Sandaun » Sat Oct 29, 2016 8:28 am

Les Montanjees wrote:
Sandaun wrote:"WHANGAREI CORAL Society invites past members, friends and music lovers to an evening of varied coral music ..."
The Northern Advocate, 2/8/90
Do they sing polyponic music?
s'pose so! :D
"I have supposed that he who buys a Method means to learn it." - Ferdinand Sor, Method for Guitar

amezcua
Posts: 195
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 9:50 pm

Re: joke of the day

Post by amezcua » Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:23 pm

I saw an old film of Bernard Manning last night. My ears are not tuned into his accent lately so I only heard the punch line in one joke. A man complaining to his mate about a serious case of Piles. "I`ve got a good cure for that "said his mate. "Every time your Gran makes a cup of tea , get the tea leaves and pack them round your bottom". So he tries that for 2 weeks without success . "Try this little Indian doctor then "says his mate. "He`s a bit eccentric , but he might have a cure ". He goes to the doctor ."Take off your pants please .Now bend over, right over". He has a good look and then "Well I can`t do anything for your Piles " he says , "But you`re going on a Long Trip".

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BugDog
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Location: Northern KY USA

Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Mon Oct 31, 2016 3:10 pm

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

------------------------------ ------------------------
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
------------------------------ ------------------------

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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