joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
Lyralefty
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Lyralefty » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:18 am

did ya hear about the short bread?
well they're not making it any longer!
"Nothing is more beautiful than a guitar, save perhaps two."

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Andrew Fryer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Fryer » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:42 am

Joss-sticks are sparklers for very nervous people.
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Dustin McKinney
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Dustin McKinney » Sat Nov 12, 2016 5:26 am

What a pirate's favorite letter?

Answer 1: "R"

Reply: You think it would be "R," but his true love is the "C"
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Sandaun
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Sandaun » Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:56 am

Outraged violinist up before the beak: "I went to settle the score at Hotel _______, and they claimed I was fiddling the books!"
"I have supposed that he who buys a Method means to learn it." - Ferdinand Sor, Method for Guitar

MarkInLA
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Re: joke of the day

Post by MarkInLA » Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:02 am

....2 jokes. First one I penned myself : 1) You know how you can tell you're passing a jazz club ? ..All the banged up cars !!! (2) The reason you can't trust atoms is that they make up everything !!

Gordito158
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Gordito158 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:37 am

Where did General Schwarzkoff hide his armies?
Answer: Up his sleevies.

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robin loops
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Re: joke of the day

Post by robin loops » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:11 pm

MarkInLA wrote:....2 jokes. First one I penned myself : 1) You know how you can tell you're passing a jazz club ? ..All the banged up cars!
Also how you can tell when there is an open mic night at the bar.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.
-James-

Andrew Pohlman
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Pohlman » Thu Nov 17, 2016 9:10 pm

Thanksgiving jokes:

A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving Day!

turkeys.jpg
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doug
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Re: joke of the day

Post by doug » Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:25 am

From the book, "F in Exams, The Very Best Totally Wrong Answers".
Q: Describe the shape and structure of the Milky Way?
A: It's kind of like a long, bumpy rectangle. It's completely covered in milk chocolate, but inside there are two layers of nougat and caramel.
2017 Jason Wolverton spruce/maple, 640, "Luz Blanca"
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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Mon Nov 21, 2016 10:11 pm

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir ".....
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:14 am

Welcome to the psychiatric hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

simonm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:59 am

Thanks Eric. I love them both!

khayes
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Re: joke of the day

Post by khayes » Tue Nov 22, 2016 4:13 pm

Heard a good one on XM radio this morning from Larry the Cable Guy, so imagine his voice. Seems an old woman was walking by a Catholic church one Sunday and asked a man outside the door "Good morning, sir. Is Mass out yet?"...."No, but your hat's on a little crooked".
Ken

Ramon Amira
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Ramon Amira » Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:07 pm

Someone stole all my credit cards a few months ago. But I haven't reported it because the thief is spending less than my wife was . . .
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Euan Hannah
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Euan Hannah » Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:19 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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