joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
dgutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by dgutowski » Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:17 am

andi33x wrote:
Sat Aug 20, 2016 6:38 pm
How is a boomerang called which never comes back?
.
.
.













A stick
What is brown and sticky?

A stick :casque:

dgutowski
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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2016 4:14 am
Location: Ft.Mohave Arizona

Re: joke of the day

Post by dgutowski » Wed Oct 11, 2017 7:03 am

tyke wrote:
Mon May 09, 2016 2:40 pm
I haven't read all 92 pages of this thread, so apologies if this is a repeat :

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a mop ...
I told that joke to my grandkids a few days before the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie was released and when the joke was told in the movie the kids all turned to me and said they took my joke and acted very proud of me because they thought I was the one that made it up...so I bought them more popcorn & candy...and they still think I came up with the joke.
David V. :casque:

Malcolm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Malcolm » Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:37 am

:lol: I've had this procedure several times and was ROFLMAO reading this. Not funny at the time though, although the sleep is wonderful afterwards!

Cheers,
Malcolm
When I was ten, I thought my parents knew everything. When I became twenty, I was convinced they knew nothing. Then, at thirty, I realized I was right when I was ten.

Mark Twain

Malcolm
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Location: Brisbane Australia

Re: joke of the day

Post by Malcolm » Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:38 am

Malcolm wrote:
Thu Oct 12, 2017 12:37 am
:lol: I've had this procedure several times and was ROFLMAO reading this. Not funny at the time though, although the sleep is wonderful afterwards!

Cheers,
Malcolm
oops that didn't post where I expected, but it is in reference to the colonoscopy of course.
When I was ten, I thought my parents knew everything. When I became twenty, I was convinced they knew nothing. Then, at thirty, I realized I was right when I was ten.

Mark Twain

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Contreras
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Contreras » Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:53 am

dgutowski wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:17 am

What is brown and sticky?

A stick :casque:
What's brown (and sticky :mrgreen: ) and makes a noise like a bell?


DUNG!
Put down the bagpipes ...
... and no one gets hurt.

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Evocacion
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Location: Cambridge, UK

Re: joke of the day

Post by Evocacion » Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:01 pm

I like limericks, but most of the ones that make me laugh would also get me banned from this site...
Here, however, is one that amuses me and is not in the least bawdy.

She frowned and called him Mr.
Because in sport he kr.
And so in spite
That very night
This Mr. kr. sr.

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Andrew Fryer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Fryer » Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:41 pm

Every line should be dactylic, so you need to Google for a better version. On second thoughts I suspect there isn't one, so really it's a bit of a tenuous example.
1975 Calatayud y Gisbert, Yamaha CG131S.

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Evocacion
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Location: Cambridge, UK

Re: joke of the day

Post by Evocacion » Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:04 pm

You are quite right, Andrew. So here is a similar one that obeys the rules:

An amorous M. A.
Said of Cupid, the C. D.
"From their prodigal use,
He is, I deduce,
The John Jacob A. H."

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Andrew Fryer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Fryer » Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:09 pm

Sorry, I was in an unusually nit-picking mood. Now I regret it.
1975 Calatayud y Gisbert, Yamaha CG131S.

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BugDog
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Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:13 pm

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen, he asks?’

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it, she asks?’

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down, she says.’

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.


'Where's my toast?'
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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zavaletas
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Location: Tucson

Re: joke of the day

Post by zavaletas » Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:54 pm

A Roman centurion walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says five beers please.
James, Zavaleta's La Casa de Guitarras

dgutowski
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Location: Ft.Mohave Arizona

Re: joke of the day

Post by dgutowski » Thu Oct 19, 2017 5:31 am

Sandaun wrote:
Sat Apr 23, 2016 11:02 am
Teacher: Today the school band will play Mozart.

Voice from the back of the classroom: I'll bet Mozart loses!
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because they kept saying: Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach!
David V :casque:

dgutowski
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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2016 4:14 am
Location: Ft.Mohave Arizona

Re: joke of the day

Post by dgutowski » Thu Oct 19, 2017 6:03 am

Erik Zurcher wrote:
Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:34 pm
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow cop.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Glasgow cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop’s expense!!

Glasgow cop says, “License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Glasgow cop says, “Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Glasgow cop says, “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please”

London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Glasgow cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that’s the law. License and registration,please!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Glasgow cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, “Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?”
I once saw a five year beating himself in the head with a stick.
I asked him why he was doing it.
He said "Because it feels so good when I stop"
(I used to tell that to my drinking friends I don't have anymore)
David V :casque:

dgutowski
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Location: Ft.Mohave Arizona

Re: joke of the day

Post by dgutowski » Thu Oct 19, 2017 6:11 am

chuckinphoenix wrote:
Fri Sep 18, 2015 6:13 pm
Stephen Jessup wrote:What's brown and smelly, and sits on a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement

:lol:
What's brown on the ground on the other side of the wall?
Humpty's dump.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
Because he had a terrible summer!
David V :casque:

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