joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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fretter
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Re: joke of the day

Post by fretter » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:27 pm

David Gutowski wrote:
Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:27 am
"Where's the bartender?"
I. Love. This.

Reminds me of a joke about a bear coming upon another bear in the forest.
First bear: What are you doing?
Second bear: Taking a bath.
First bear: Where's the soap?
Second bear: Sure does.

Took me a while to get that one. lol

Jim Imbur
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Jim Imbur » Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:33 pm

I follow college basketball and this morning was reading about the FBI investigation into illegal payments of $100,000-150,000 to star recruits to sign at colleges. In the list of readers' comments one person speculated on the names of the universities that will be identified and included Pittsburgh. Pitt is in last place at 8-19 overall and 0-14 in conference play. A Pitt fan posted "You really think Pitt is paying for this garbage?" Perfect!

simonm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:29 pm

@ Jim. I am clueless. Is there a joke in there? :desole:

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Fri Feb 16, 2018 3:46 am

fretter wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:27 pm
David Gutowski wrote:
Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:27 am
"Where's the bartender?"
I. Love. This.

Reminds me of a joke about a bear coming upon another bear in the forest.
First bear: What are you doing?
Second bear: Taking a bath.
First bear: Where's the soap?
Second bear: Sure does.

Took me a while to get that one. lol
Good joke...thanks. Love these kind of jokes where you have to think. Told it to my wife and she just gave me this look. I knew she didn't get it because she started on me about taking up to much of my time on the forum...like I should be doing honey do's.
3 hard things for humans to do: dentist visit, public speaking, offering forgiveness.

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Sun Feb 18, 2018 6:03 am

fretter wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:27 pm
David Gutowski wrote:
Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:27 am
"Where's the bartender?"
I. Love. This.

Reminds me of a joke about a bear coming upon another bear in the forest.
First bear: What are you doing?
Second bear: Taking a bath.
First bear: Where's the soap?
Second bear: Sure does.

Took me a while to get that one. lol
So, to make a long story short, I told my wife what the solution was to the bear and his bath in the woods joke but she still just gave me the "look." Do you think there is a simpler way to explain it? I know what you're thinking...not true. :D Yes, I'm on meds.
3 hard things for humans to do: dentist visit, public speaking, offering forgiveness.

Spelling?

I harmonize melody & staccato my legato

Carrillo Concert '02
Yulong Guo Chamber '17
Bozo 135
Washburn Rover R020
Paulino Bernabe 10 '12

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Andrew Fryer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Fryer » Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:50 am

Jeez, that joke is probably something like 50 or more years old to my knowledge. Only it involved nuns back in the day.
1975 Calatayud y Gisbert, Yamaha CG131S.

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Sun Feb 18, 2018 12:45 pm

The common point !

What is the point of how is it between:
-A frozen beer
-A burnt pizza
-A pregnant woman

In all 3 cases there is a guy who did not go out on time.
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

quavers
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Re: joke of the day

Post by quavers » Sun Feb 18, 2018 4:50 pm

I don't know that you could say that the penguin is indifferent. It is possible that he/she is incapable of applause. This caption is just a little judgemental.

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:17 am

David Gutowski wrote:
Sun Feb 18, 2018 6:03 am
fretter wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:27 pm
David Gutowski wrote:
Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:27 am
"Where's the bartender?"
I. Love. This.

Reminds me of a joke about a bear coming upon another bear in the forest.
First bear: What are you doing?
Second bear: Taking a bath.
First bear: Where's the soap?
Second bear: Sure does.

Took me a while to get that one. lol
So, to make a long story short, I told my wife what the solution was to the bear and his bath in the woods joke but she still just gave me the "look." Do you think there is a simpler way to explain it? I know what you're thinking...not true. :D Yes, I'm on meds.
My wife finally got the joke. She had a little help from a 13 year old grand daughter. Kids are so smart today. Don't even think it-I did get the joke first.
3 hard things for humans to do: dentist visit, public speaking, offering forgiveness.

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I harmonize melody & staccato my legato

Carrillo Concert '02
Yulong Guo Chamber '17
Bozo 135
Washburn Rover R020
Paulino Bernabe 10 '12

doug
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Re: joke of the day

Post by doug » Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:03 pm

A friend of mine, after college and medical school, and three years on the job, has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in that profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money! He's still paying off his school loans. That just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life! Thoughts and prayers for him and his family. He really is a great guy, and a brilliant veterinarian.
2017 Jason Wolverton spruce/maple, 640, "Luz Blanca"
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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:46 pm

Has the patient filed a complaint with the court or the police?
Or did he complain to his master?

In my opinion ... the master (or mistress) of the animal is just jealous! :mrgreen:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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Andrew Fryer
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Andrew Fryer » Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:00 pm

Three dogs at the vet comparing stories.
First says: "I've been tearing everything to bits lately. I think they're castrating me."
Second says: "I attacked a guy in the park. I didn't like the look of him. I think they're putting me down."
Third says: "I saw my mistress naked and got an urge I couldn't control."
"So, are you getting castrated or put down?"
"I'm getting my nails clipped"
1975 Calatayud y Gisbert, Yamaha CG131S.

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BugDog
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Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Fri Feb 23, 2018 3:06 pm

- If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful.

- Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

- What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

- If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

- Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

- Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

- Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

- Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

- The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims."

- Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

- 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

- Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

- The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

- If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

- Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

- If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

- The date 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, so we'll just call it "2's Day."
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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BugDog
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Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Fri Feb 23, 2018 3:09 pm

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day! You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend.. I've done my part', Life is short, drink the good wine first'
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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