joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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GeoffB
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Re: joke of the day

Post by GeoffB » Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:33 pm

BFGUITAR wrote:Why was Kepler such a good janitor? Because he swept an equal area every time.
Clever! Though since I explained what a swede saw was, the least you could do is explain the laws of planetary motion for us :mrgreen:

That reminds me indirectly of a quote, allegedly from a child's essay, which went something like:

"Astronomy is looking up in the sky and seeing stars. Astrology is looking up in the sky and seeing scorpions and virgins and other spooky creatures."

(Sorry, should be in the Daily Quote thread really, but I couldn't help myself :wink: )

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AsturiasFan

Re: joke of the day

Post by AsturiasFan » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:41 am

Ok! This is stupid but it goes with my most recent post on exactly what the code tags do in the editor.

Why did the spy sneeze?

He sneezed because he had a code in his nose!

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GeoffB
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Re: joke of the day

Post by GeoffB » Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 pm

Old professors never die - they simply lose their faculties.

Geoff
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." - Steven Wright

solidtop

Re: joke of the day

Post by solidtop » Fri Feb 22, 2008 11:59 pm

Do you think infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? :wink:

Squidbilly

Re: joke of the day

Post by Squidbilly » Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:42 am

Two guys are in the woods on a hunting trip when one guy suddenly collapses.
The other guy gets out his cell and calls 911.
911, what's your emergency?
I think my friend just had a heart attack or something, he isn't moving!
Is he dead, sir?
Well, I don't know.
Sir, you need to check to make sure he's dead.
Alright, hold on one second...
<click>
BOOM!

Ok, now what?

schadenfreude

Re: joke of the day

Post by schadenfreude » Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:59 am

Q: What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A: A Flat Minor

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What's green, got six legs, and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?
A: A billiard table.

Q: What's about a foot long and slippery?
A: A slipper.

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GeoffB
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Re: joke of the day

Post by GeoffB » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:20 pm

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "Well....I would have been released today!"
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norban
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Re: joke of the day

Post by norban » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:18 pm

Great one, GeoffB ! :P
A life without music is possible but very poor.

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Re: joke of the day

Post by GeoffB » Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:20 pm

pierre_m wrote: - And just with a rib, what can I have ?

:grire: Now you've done it! :( No offence, ladies! :kap:

Geoff :wink:
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." - Steven Wright

solidtop

Re: joke of the day

Post by solidtop » Wed Mar 05, 2008 6:43 pm

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" :bye:

Tubbers
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Tubbers » Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:25 pm

A man hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the mat. He tosses the snail across the yard and shuts the door.
3 years later the man hears a knock at the door and when he opens it the snail says: 'That was rude!'

(I know, how does a snail knock on the door?)

:mrgreen:
Help!

Butia

Re: joke of the day

Post by Butia » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:43 pm

Not mine but funny,

What happens if you play country music backwards?

You get your house back, your car back and your wife back.

:lol:

Butia

Re: joke of the day

Post by Butia » Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:51 pm

While I'm in the mood, an engineer joke.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing possible designers of the human body.

The first one said "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the intricate joints."

The next one said "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The final one said "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
:roll:

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GeoffB
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Re: joke of the day

Post by GeoffB » Sat Mar 08, 2008 11:26 am

Butia wrote: What happens if you play country music backwards? ...
That reminded me of another one:

Question: "What do you get if you play New Age music backwards?"

Answer: "New Age music."

Geoff
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." - Steven Wright

Hippogryph

Re: joke of the day

Post by Hippogryph » Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:51 pm

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains!
- Pull yourself together, man!

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
- Uh, who said that?!

- Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
- What do you mean by that?

- Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
- Next!

- Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.
- Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
- I'll deal with you later.

:lol:

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