joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
Rick Hutt
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Rick Hutt » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:15 pm

I don't like to brag, but over the weekend I was told I'm a fine one to talk.
2010 Pimentel & Sons Concert Grand
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Mark Clifton-Gaultier
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mark Clifton-Gaultier » Wed Oct 03, 2018 12:19 pm

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet when she cooks the dinner, I removed the batteries from the smoke alarm.

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Mark Clifton-Gaultier
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mark Clifton-Gaultier » Wed Oct 03, 2018 12:20 pm

Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.

simonm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:59 pm

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Ask them to read this word:

unionized.

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lagartija
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Re: joke of the day

Post by lagartija » Fri Oct 05, 2018 12:20 am

simonm wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 10:59 pm
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Ask them to read this word:

unionized.
A chemistry professor would probably say “neutral” as opposed to ionized.
;-)

Cute joke, though.
When the sun shines, bask.
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Classical Guitar forever!

Scott Phillips
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Scott Phillips » Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:23 am

We know which pronunciation Hoffa preferred🤮

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:52 am

The good friend

Two couples of friends play cards.

Claude drops his cards on the floor and stooping to pick them up under the table, he realizes that David's girlfriend, Jessica, has no panties! Surprised, he bangs his head and comes out all red.

Later when he goes to the kitchen to get some beer, Jessica follows him and asks: Did you see something that you liked under the table?
Claude says: Yes, I liked it!
She gives him a wink, smiles and says: You can have it for 100 euros.
After one or two minutes of hesitation, Claude replies that he is interested. She tells him that since David works on Friday afternoons and not Claude, he will come to her house on Friday around 14:00.

What he did of course.

After paying 100 euros, they go to the room and make love in all positions for 2 hours then Claude leaves.

David returns around 6:00 pm and asks: Did Claude come this afternoon?
Shocked, Jessica replies: Yes, he spent a few minutes.
- And did he give you 100 euros?
(She thinks, "Heck, he knows!")
A regret: Yes, he gave me 100 euros.
- Very well, said David, Claude came to my office this morning and borrowed 100 euros and he said he would come to us to give them back. It's great to have honest friends!


:wink:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:48 am

:lol:
3 hard things for humans: dentist visit, public speaking, offering forgiveness.

Muse: chg pitch measure rhym feel tempo improvise melody harmonize arpeggios stucco your legato & practice

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Kjetil Heggelund
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Kjetil Heggelund » Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:40 am

Nigel showed up for his guitar lesson, and when opening his guitar case, he found a rifle...
"Oh no! Now my dads in the bank with my guitar!"
Kevin Aram "Torres", 2009
Stephan Schlemper "Transparence", 2015
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it so long as it doesn't cause a murder...FZ

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BugDog
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Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Wed Oct 10, 2018 4:11 pm

One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was welding some stuff in the garage for fun.

His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage.

You probably should also consider selling all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, and your fishing gear and the boat and lose all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing equipment…"

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "For a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"


Tom replied, “I wasn't"
BugDog
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BugDog
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Re: joke of the day

Post by BugDog » Wed Oct 10, 2018 4:13 pm

This is How to Explain How We Came to Be:
The New Generation will Never Believe the story about the STORK or the CABBAGE PATCH.

Mummy, was I downloaded?


The little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers, “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and Googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You Got Male!
BugDog
There's one in every crowd.

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lagartija
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Re: joke of the day

Post by lagartija » Wed Oct 10, 2018 4:57 pm

:)
That ^^^ was cute!
When the sun shines, bask.
__/^^^^^o>
Classical Guitar forever!

Scott Phillips
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Scott Phillips » Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:51 am

Good one.

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Thu Oct 18, 2018 6:11 pm

Neither logical nor legal!


A young law student just failed his exam.
He comes to see his old teacher known for his bad mood and very alert mind.

Student: Sir, I wonder if you know the answer to a problem of law that concerns me.
Professor: Indeed young man, otherwise I would not be a teacher, right?

Student: Very good. So I would like to ask you a question. Let us agree, if you please, that if you answer correctly, I will accept the bad result of my examination, but that if you do not, you will give me an "A".

Professor: Okay ... what is the question?
Student: The question is: what is legal but not logical but not legal and ultimately neither logical nor legal?

The professor thinks at length, turns and returns in all directions his immense legal knowledge, but does not find a satisfactory answer.
Handsome player, he gives an "A" to the student, transforming his failure into a successful exam.

In the afternoon, frustrated and still troubled by the question, the teacher meets his assistants and the brightest of his students to submit the question and help him find the solution.

Professor: Young people, would you know what is legal but not logical; logical but not legal and finally neither logical nor legal?

To his astonishment, all the students raised their hands.

The teacher then asks his most brilliant student: what is the answer?

The brilliant student answers:
It's very easy Sir, you are 75 years old and you married a woman aged 30, which is legal but not logical.
Your wife has a 22 year old lover which is logical but not legal.
Finally, your wife's lover failed his examination and you still gave him an "A" which is neither logical nor legal.


:P
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Thu Oct 18, 2018 6:15 pm

The super bar


An Englishman, an American and a Belgian are in a bar in Paris.
They discuss and have fun and all agree that it is a pleasant place.

So the Englishman says, "It's really fun here, but in London I know a lot better called Andrews. There, you buy your first beer, you buy your second beer, and Andrews himself pays you the third! "

But the American says, "I do not want to bother you, but I know one even better!
There's a bar in New York called Chez John. You buy your first beer and John pays you the second.
You buy your third beer and John pays you the fourth! "

Then the Belgian says, "You think it's a thrilling place? Listen to that. At our place, there is a bar called Chez Jef Vanderbrul.
You will not believe me, but, at Vanderbrul, you get paid for your first beer, you pay for your second beer, you pay for your third beer, you pay for your fourth beer, and then you can go to a room on the second floor ... and you have sex! "

" Unbelievable ! say the other two. Did it really happen to you? "

"No," replied the Belgian, "but it happened to my sister."

:ivresse:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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